Melvin the Dry Cleaning Zombie and Vampire Shoe Warehouse edition by PJ Jones Humor Entertainment eBooks
Download As PDF : Melvin the Dry Cleaning Zombie and Vampire Shoe Warehouse edition by PJ Jones Humor Entertainment eBooks 
Melvin, the Dry Cleaning Zombie
Ever since Melvin could remember, he’s had a crush on dry cleaning customer, Simone. Too bad he’s a zombie and can’t remember much. If only Simone would be his girl, or at the very least, let Melvin eat the gooey matter inside her cranium.
Simone is fed up with her egotistical boyfriend. If only she could find a nice guy who doesn’t want to feast on her brains.
Vampire Shoe Warehouse
Bethany’s tired of her dead-end job as a manager at a shoe store, but she can’t quit or else her evil boss will expose her secret. If other vampires found out about her abnormality, it could mean certain death.
Henry is a failure who dropped out of wizarding school, but that doesn’t stop him from pining over Bethany. Can the world’s worst wizard use his magic to save the girl of his dreams? Will Henry’s love for Bethany be enough to keep her from feasting on his jugular?
Each short story is approximately 4000 words.
******Praise for MELVIN THE DRY CLEANING ZOMBIE******
"...filthy, trashy, and downright fun writing style that makes the stories in this book a true delight to read." Here Be Zombies
"...it will grab you and keep you in stitches." Book Wenches
Melvin the Dry Cleaning Zombie and Vampire Shoe Warehouse edition by PJ Jones Humor Entertainment eBooks
What did the zombie say to the prostitute? Keep the tip!Did you think the above joke was funny?
If you answered yes you should download this pair of short stories immediately. If your answer was no, cross this author off of your list of potential writers and run, don't walk, away now. Each story is built around similar un-PC humor. Why, the discerning reader may ask, do zombies gravitate toward jobs in the dry cleaning industry? Well, your first mistake is in being discerning. This isn't written for people that consider themselves discerning. Or stoic. Or know the definition of either of those adjectives. No explanation for zombie career decisions is provided. Readers should feel fortunate enough that there's even a cursory reason provided as to why having big feet places a vampire at a potential disadvantage amongst other immortals.
These stories are written to entertain people with a bit of time to kill and the capacity for just shrugging their respective shoulders and going with the flow of a story just for the fun of it.
I don't think for a second the author would disagree or be insulted by my saying that these stories are an utter and complete waste of time. Sometimes, for whatever reason, we all need to completely waste some of our time. As a young Val Kilmer once said, "it's a moral imperative."
I've seen and read funnier stories. But this pair was funny enough that I was able to enjoy them while stuck as a passenger on a recent long car trip with a person too busy focusing on navigation to engage in lively banter. The stories were an irreverant and entertaining way to pass the time. In other words, they did their job for me and did it well enough that I've downloaded several other offerings by P. J. Jones for the next time I have some time to kill.
Don't think about these stories. They aren't meant to be thought provoking and you should know just from the titles that you aren't about to read a modern version of "The Iliad." Just check your brain at the door and enjoy. Oh - but be sure to keep your receipt when you do. There's not telling when a zombie lacking the skills to get a dry cleaning career may opt to try a position in the coatroom-check industry. Funny things can happen to brains when zombies are about. Without that receipt, you might not get yours back.
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Melvin the Dry Cleaning Zombie and Vampire Shoe Warehouse edition by PJ Jones Humor Entertainment eBooks Reviews
Funny stories, dumb plots but I still read on, laughed and enjoyed the short stories. If you are a Christopher Moore fan you will like this.
This is an entertaining novelette worth its price. It's a quick read, but quirky and amusing in its own way.
Looking for a good, light-hearted read, I picked up this book and could not put it down. PJ Jones has written two wickedly witty little tales that had me laughing out loud! If I ever come across a zombie or a vampire, I hope they are as likable as Melvin and Bethany!
This book contains two fun and funny stories. If you have ever wondered what zombie romance is like or if you have been obsessed with all those fine-looking vampires out there looking for love in all the wrong places, you're gonna really enjoy this little book.
A good read to be able to just put down. Its definately not for young children due to the language.
With a title that contained the phrase "dry cleaning zombie", I knew not to set a high standard for these works, and I was pleasantly surprised. I've seen all kinds of twists on zombie stories, but this one was new even for me and quite funny. The other story about a vampire shoe saleswoman was equally funny. If you're looking for something paranormal, short and funny, look no further.
These two stories are crude, one-joke affairs and the humor, without exception, falls totally and painfully flat. Very difficult to finish.
What did the zombie say to the prostitute? Keep the tip!
Did you think the above joke was funny?
If you answered yes you should download this pair of short stories immediately. If your answer was no, cross this author off of your list of potential writers and run, don't walk, away now. Each story is built around similar un-PC humor. Why, the discerning reader may ask, do zombies gravitate toward jobs in the dry cleaning industry? Well, your first mistake is in being discerning. This isn't written for people that consider themselves discerning. Or stoic. Or know the definition of either of those adjectives. No explanation for zombie career decisions is provided. Readers should feel fortunate enough that there's even a cursory reason provided as to why having big feet places a vampire at a potential disadvantage amongst other immortals.
These stories are written to entertain people with a bit of time to kill and the capacity for just shrugging their respective shoulders and going with the flow of a story just for the fun of it.
I don't think for a second the author would disagree or be insulted by my saying that these stories are an utter and complete waste of time. Sometimes, for whatever reason, we all need to completely waste some of our time. As a young Val Kilmer once said, "it's a moral imperative."
I've seen and read funnier stories. But this pair was funny enough that I was able to enjoy them while stuck as a passenger on a recent long car trip with a person too busy focusing on navigation to engage in lively banter. The stories were an irreverant and entertaining way to pass the time. In other words, they did their job for me and did it well enough that I've downloaded several other offerings by P. J. Jones for the next time I have some time to kill.
Don't think about these stories. They aren't meant to be thought provoking and you should know just from the titles that you aren't about to read a modern version of "The Iliad." Just check your brain at the door and enjoy. Oh - but be sure to keep your receipt when you do. There's not telling when a zombie lacking the skills to get a dry cleaning career may opt to try a position in the coatroom-check industry. Funny things can happen to brains when zombies are about. Without that receipt, you might not get yours back.
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